I sat there with my palms sweaty.  Prayers to God for the favor of the dissertation committee of four professors gathered (one on speaker phone) and the Holy Spirit's invitation to grant perfect recall were petitioned for.  I took a deep breath.  And sat in on the first of my doctoral students to give a PhD defense. 

Alma* (name changed) has been a student at NYU for SEVEN years to get a PhD in Performance Studies.  One of two Christians in her department, she has worked tirelessly and with some trepidation with an academic department that does not necessarily "get" her as a Christian nor as an African American.  Thankfully she is worshipping at a church that blesses her both as a woman leader and an academic (although this is not usually the case, I have heard from my female doctoral students), even if most polite church folk refrain from asking what a degree in Performance Studies is for. 

I still find it astounding what men and women do for an education in the US: the time and money that goes into higher education is a heavy price.  PhD's typically spend between 5-7 years in their programs only to graduate into the machine of academia which may or may not hire them, depending on need.  Medical doctors will spend 4 years in med school, another 4 years in residency, and perhaps another 2 years in a fellowship before they go into the "real world."  All this with rising debt to pay back to the degree granting institution, and perhaps while working in indentured servanthood as either a Teaching Assistant (TA) or Graduate Assistant (GA).  One of my doctoral students is living on less than $25K a year as a TA. In NYC. Students may be in their 30's by the time they graduate.  All this while trying to attend to the "normal" lifecycle of those around them: dating, getting married, having children, growing in faith and character. All this while racking up huge amounts of debt (NYU's average student debt upon graduation is $65K).  Astounding.

Alma says that it's all worth it: all SEVEN years to bear witness to Jesus' grace in the Performance Studies Department.  Performance Studies, by the way, is an emerging discipline in the humanities that looks at performances (any public display, really) in order to understand the anthropological, social, psychological, linguistical, and gender context of a culture or community.  And I can't help but to know that God has much to say about this interdisciplinary field.

Alma's defense was flawless.  She was calm, articulate, and thoughtful as she navigated through her committee's questions.  Alma is now my first grad student to get a PhD.  She is now DR. ALMA.  I am so terribly proud of her. 

Her next steps: enter the industry that is academia and find a teaching position in a university, begin the climb up the tenuous tenure ladder.  An academic has two chances to achieve tenure and full professorship or else be condemned to the life of an itinerate adjunct.  What a wild system.  May God continue to have mercy on Alma's soul.  Hers and all those who have gone before her and are coming after her.

 

My new family  My Chinese-American wedding

On December 6, 2008, I married a tremendous man named James Winans.  I distinctly remember thinking on our first date, "If I continue to date this man, I will become like the Jesus that God has invited me to become," after we were stopped by a homeless man asking for change and received my James, fully present to him, in a long and gracious conversation, punctuated by a deep embrace. My beautiful James in his modest suit from Macy's and a strung-out stranger named Thomas who smelled of urine and beer.  One year later, we were engaged. Nine months later we were married.

I realize the implications of another Asian woman marrying another White man.  I remember an Asian American brother confronting me with what he saw as "another sister fallen to the white man." And while I have been hit on by my share of Asian-fetish-riddled white men, over the course of our relationship, James has revealed to me that he is not of the same ilk.  Primarily, I find that white men with Asian fetish lump our people all into one box that for the purpose of consumption.  Suddenly, I am not Anna Lee in identity, but rather a thing, a commodity.  James sees me, fully aware of my racial, ethnic, and cultural difference; fully aware of my character and personality difference. Perhaps more importantly, James sees himself, in all his privileged whiteness, is humble enough to learn what he does not know, understands his unique personal and cultural history and accepts his baggage.  In our marriage we are embracing the "other" and becoming transformed more and more into the image and likeness of the God who calls us to follow him.

On another note: in these last four months, I have found that marriage really holds a mirror to my own soul.  I have seen reflected to my eyes the beauty and horror of myself and the differences of my culture through my behavior in this biracial convenent relationship.  This marriage has granted a wild awareness of the broken patterns of my family that I reenact in this intimate love relationship.  I am humbled by this triune covenant between James, me, and God.  I am hopeful for our transformation.

 Hats off to you, Elgin Baylor. As I pioneer ministry to graduate students and faculty, and build a reputation for gracious Christian community at NYU, you are a hero to me.